It has been one month since my last blog post...

And it's time for me to get back on the horse - or the wagon. The month of December was a nightmare for me. I got on a bad roll, and couldn't - or wouldn't - stop. I was almost double-fisting food into my mouth, and all things that I know are bad for me.

I spent a lot of time baking. Bread. More bread. And when that was gone I made more. Monster pretzels, bagels, apple crisp, and bran muffins. All vegan-legal, and perfectly fine in moderation, but moderation is a word I wasn't paying any attention to. I gained nearly 15 pounds in one month.

I'm not going to kid myself into thinking that because I gained it quickly it will come off quickly. It won't. It will be a struggle - the same struggle I've been involved with all of my life. If that wasn't bad enough, I've gained another 15 pounds since the beginning of last year - making me exactly 30 pounds heavier today than I was January 1, 2008. At that time I was within 30 pounds of my goal weight, and now I'm 60 pounds away. I've still managed to keep over 100 pounds off, but it isn't good enough.

I believe my problems started when I started running with Reg. Instead of doing my own runs, I was going with him, and letting him dictate where and how far we would go. In the last month he has done hardly any running, and I've let myself run on the treadmill because it seemed so much easier than going outside. I ran outside for the last two winters in all kinds of weather, and I survived - in fact I felt great! I ran 300 miles more last year than this, and that's not good.

New Year's Day (yesterday) I told Reg I was going out for at least 4 miles. He asked if I wanted company. I said sure. Then he started whining about the route I planned, the distance, and the time it would take. I said - ok buddy - I'm not playing this game with you. If you want to run on my terms, let's go - otherwise I'm going alone. And I did go alone. I felt fantastic when I got back home because I did what I set out to do, and I wasn't led into making excuses for myself.

I love Reg dearly, but I'm afraid he's fired as my running companion. I'll stick to my own plan, and do my own thing, and if he wants to come along occasionally - that's fine with me, but it will be on my terms or it won't happen.

I've pitched all the crap out of the house. I won't be baking bread for a long time. Reg can eat packaged bread, and I know I can't - so that's what will be in the house. I'm cleaning up my act and sticking to the things I know are good for me, give me energy, and will get the freakin' fat moving from my hips again.

I've got myself involved in so many challenges on the net that I'm not sure I can keep up with them all, but I'm sure going to try.

My number one resolution for this year is to be kinder to myself.